tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70106381308308406272024-03-13T11:54:44.633-04:00Nev's DwellingsThe opinions stated here are personal thoughts and may or may not apply to you. Take it for what it's worth. Use your best judgment on what best works for you.Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-18977411822985777982010-11-16T22:30:00.002-05:002010-11-16T22:33:21.237-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZBz3b0bvXWBUr1vMMHX-8TgJYt_GeZXhyphenhyphenCSR77_W5I1GbzZzjk45gZ0-_5V2vpVt463Yly76eqx6xTGqwYjuUASGzgCUmaFz9w9Zbevt9WBok7D2-Z3cNqL1NuIXWt6ntmjMW1ECFw/s1600/MN+Header.png"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 388px; height: 130px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZBz3b0bvXWBUr1vMMHX-8TgJYt_GeZXhyphenhyphenCSR77_W5I1GbzZzjk45gZ0-_5V2vpVt463Yly76eqx6xTGqwYjuUASGzgCUmaFz9w9Zbevt9WBok7D2-Z3cNqL1NuIXWt6ntmjMW1ECFw/s320/MN+Header.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540356289177050322" border="0" /></a><br />I have been working hard to get my Web site up. Please come visit me there and continue to share all the wonderful tasks and BDSM art!<br /><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><a href="http://mistressnev.com">MistressNev.com</a><br /></span></div>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-89014980312234041722008-07-27T09:50:00.001-04:002008-07-27T09:51:29.272-04:00A New PlaceWe have a new place to call home. For all of us to learn and task in peace and privacy!<br /><br />Come join us...<br />http://www.bdsmtasks.org/tasks/index.phpMistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-42319381934048826952008-05-04T12:17:00.001-04:002008-05-04T12:17:33.229-04:00Changes In RelationshipsI often wonder if I am giving my submissives all they need. Each are so different, they live different lifestyles, have different fantasies and desires, and we share a D/s relationship differently.<br /><br />I had a long talk with one of my submissive this week concerning how we relate, are we still considering pursuing our relationship in the future? This might be startling to some, but for us, things change. I often wonder if I am giving him what he needs. Maybe it is hard for me to understand that his needs are much less than the needs of my others submissives. However, in the end, it comes down to the attitude and feelings we have for each other.<br /><br />Real life moves on when we are strictly online. His life moves on, changes as he grows, which is really a good thing. We concluded that we do love each other, we want to continue this, and that we will always see each other in our respective roles.<br /><br />Each of my submissives brings something to the relationship and offers me their own individual submission. I feel as long as we keep the lines of communication open, keep the needs of each other forefront in our minds, that we all will be satisfied.<br /><br />As this particular submissive moves forward in life, I know that we will always be us. Our needs with each other change, but the love and devotion to each other will always be there.<br /><br />I love you, you know who you are, and you will always be mine.Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-80510177131979913522008-03-29T19:50:00.001-04:002008-03-29T19:54:01.134-04:00It's Been Way To LongWell, it’s been a very long time since I have updated my blog. Between reorganizing the Academy and a very heavy workload, my time has been rather limited. However, now I am seeing the end and have some breathing room, which is always good, well at least for me!<br /><br />As I stated, I have spent the last few months reorganizing the Academy. For the last year, I saw it going down hill, no direction, or organization in sight. Once I became head admin, my first goal was to spread out the workload so it doesn’t rest on one person. With two months into the reorganization, the Academy seems to be running smoothly and the workload distributed among some of our best members.<br /><br />If you haven’t heard of the Academy before, stop by and visit (a link is on the right). You do have to sign up to become a full member, but you can see what we are all about with just a visit.<br /><br />All my submissives have been behaving, and we’ve had our fun over the past few months. Fit sub male, aka naughty one, continues to train, tan and tease me with his sexy body. Of course, I tease him right back. He has gotten his first plug and it seems he feels very slutty wearing it. Actually, he is very slutty and I think gets hard with just the thought of being naughty, whether I tell him what clothes to wear for the day, put his cock ring on or spread his ass wide so I can see his ass hole. We continue to work on him taking in his bodily fluids. He cums so much, so thick. He can clean up the way I expect him to, but it’s still a struggle for him. I have put drinking pee on hold for now. He did so well with the first session of pee training, I thought to give him a needed break… but be assured, we will soon get to session two. In fact, he is in it right now and probably doesn’t know it… until he reads this… <<<insert evil grin>>>.<br /><br />My little sissy, aka cocktoy, is also doing well. He stays busy with work and school, but we manage to talk and have out special moments of D/s. We celebrated a year together this March and he presented me with a wonderful commitment task of numbers representing special times in our relationship. His sacrifice and endurance touched my heart and reaffirmed our commitment to each other. I continue to work on his pain endurance by wearing nipple clamps repeatedly for an extended amount of time. I just love the thought of his sexy little nipples sore for me! He continues to do his enemas and has managed to learn to hold it for quite an impressive time. I want to continue to work on his pain endurance… so if you’re reading this my dear cocktoy, make sure you get plenty of pegs… and don’t lose them in your room this time!<br /><br />My dear nevs boy has been traveling the world and I do miss him so. I get a few IM messages when he is able to. He should be back at the end of the week. His little ass I am sure is in need of being filled. Before he left, we were playing with ginger and a piece cut his sexy ass, so I wouldn’t let anything go in his ass. He loves his ass to be filled and since it hasn’t had anything in it for an extended amount of time, I’ll sure I will give him a heavy dose of ass play… be ready sweetie! The months before he left we worked on acceptance rather than enduring. There were many struggles with us, but I finally think he gets it. I will be testing this with him, and keeping him on his toes for sure! We also celebrated a year this past March, but since he was away during our anniversary, we will make up for it when he gets home!<br /><br />I do have a new submissive. It’s actually my first female submissive. We have known each other for quite some time and she and I have shared many special moments before she officially became mine. Her name is Donriser. I find this a learning experience but one I am certainly enjoying. It’s fun having her and I have many things in store for her. I actually share her with my cocktoy since he is a switch. We are in the midst of training her to be the best slut possible. Having her get specific with her description of her naughty actions is fun as we watch her face turn red. Her dedication is wonderful and I really look forward to our relationship growing.<br /><br />I’ll try to post a few more thoughts soon now that I have more free time! Until then, please let me know you stopped by posting a comment or going to my guest book, I’d love to hear from you!Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-14643752719936307662007-11-25T08:13:00.000-05:002007-11-25T09:56:07.230-05:00Philosophies of BDSM<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">This article was written by Nevs Boy.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In general, the BDSM community has developed two main philosophies as guidelines for safe play. They are described by the acronyms SSC and RACK. If we break these acronyms down we will better see their intended coining.</span><br /> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >SSC</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >S</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Safe<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >S</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Sane<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >C</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Consensual<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >RACK</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >R</span><span style="font-size:100%;">- Risk<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >A</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Aware<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >C</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Consensual<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >K</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Kink<br /><br />Let’s go further and try and describe, each of these words in context.<br />Safe, Sane and Consensual ("SSC") is a construction coined by slave david stein, a gay man in NYC. He did it to explain to the vanilla world the difference between what we do and abuse. Anyone who uses it for any other reason is using it incorrectly. slave david would agree with whomever said that rules are what people consent to.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Safe</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Free from harm. All necessary precautions that can be taken for a particular activity have been taken. Sounds good. Now define safe for yourself. Define safe for everyone else that engages in BDSM. Therein lies the catch with Safe, its impossible to come up with an even close, satisfactory universal definition that covers anyone other than you. What one person considers safe another may think is not only unsafe as it applies to them but damn close to insane as well. Single Tails, Cutting, Needle Play and Brandings are just a few of the activities that some of us engage in, that many others find beyond their limits and thus unsafe for themselves.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Sane</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: This is another tough one to define. Sane to most of us means that we have clear mental facilities at the time that we are engaging in any BDSM activity. Sounds good. Sane is rarely applied to any activity, so like Safe; Sane is left to the individual. What one person considers to be a sane activity others may think it completely crazy.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Consensual</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: This is an easier one and not as subjective or ambiguous. When the people involved in any BDSM play activity are informed consenting adults and that consent has not been obtained under duress.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >RACK</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> has not been around as long as SSC and to me seems a little more subjective and ambiguous.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Risk</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: What are some of the things that can go wrong, even with the best of planning and at the hands of the most experienced. Risk does not imply Safe; it implies that there can be dangers that have to be weighed before engaging in any activity. Isn't most if not all of what we do dangerous to some degree? I think so.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Aware</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Aware means that after weighing the risks to the enjoyment and benefit of the activity one can make an informed decision.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Consensual</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Same as above.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Kink</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: This implies that what we do is somewhat outside the mainstream. What I consider to be kinky another may consider it to be boring and mundane.<br /><br />Both of these philosophies are widely open to interpretation of each individual who chooses to engage in BDSM. Although at first they appear to be similar in design, the only true similarity between them is Consensual.<br /><br />I personally combine the two philosophies and in addition I am going to coin my own Acronym to further describe my own philosophy of BDSM. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >F.A.C.E.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >F</span><span style="font-size:100%;">- Feels Right<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >A</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-Acceptance<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >C</span><span style="font-size:100%;">- Communication<br />• </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >E</span><span style="font-size:100%;">-End<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Feels Right</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Does the activity I am engaging or about to engage in “feel right”. Does it feel emotionally right. Do I have a weird feeling about it. Will I have any remorse. Will I be able to live with myself.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Acceptance</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Do I accept the activity that I am about to engage in on my own volution without any duress. This is a little ambiguous but for me it works. Do I accept it to be safe to my standards.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Communication</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: This is a big one for me. All persons need to communicate and fully understand the limits and fears involved and respect them, and what is ok and what is not.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >End</span><span style="font-size:100%;">: Each party needs to be able to end all activity without any retribution at anytime for any reason, hence the need for a “safe word”.<br /><br />I have engaged in activities that combined the principals of both SSC and RACK but not my own FACE principles. For this reason it not only made me feel bad but also you Mistress.<br /><br />If I would have adhered to my own standards and principles it would have never happened. Allow me to break it down and compare it to my own philosophies compared to that of SSC and RACK.<br /><br />One afternoon, I decided to pierce my penis, needle play. Arguably it met all the standards out lined under both Safe Sane and Consensual, and Risk Aware Consensual Kink. To me it was safe and sane, It was consensual, I was doing it myself, and I was aware of the risks, health and safety wise, and it was a Kink.<br /><br />Now enter my FACE principles. Feels Right: First off it did not feel right. If I followed this right off the bat it would have ended there. It did not feel right for several reasons. The biggest was that you specifically said not to do it. Even if this was ignored it would have ended on the communication part. You communicated that you did not wish me to do it. So there is two out of the four principles and none of us ended up happy.<br /><br />Even a greater reason for not doing it should have been that I am your sub. Mistress said not to do something and I went ahead and did it. This not only showed you disrespect, but undermined the principles and ideals that we have both set out to define in our D/s relationship. We both have high standards.<br /><br />When I started to write this essay, it did not intend to be an apology, but I am comfortable in the fact that it has turned out to be. By analyzing my actions and applying them to my own standards, principles and philosophy, I became even more aware and accountable for my own poor decisions and how they affect others, especially you, Mistress.</span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com</span></span></p>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-27972031453173993642007-11-22T07:23:00.000-05:002007-11-22T07:24:34.584-05:00Things That Irritate Me• People who I don’t know that say, “I kneel and kiss your feet,” when they come online. Who are they to be kissing my feet?<br /><br />• People who IM me not to talk, but for me to tell them when and how they can orgasm or what they are to wear that day. Why do I care how they orgasm or if they wear panties to work. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what I am going to wear to work.<br /><br />• People who are obviously trying to suck up to me just because I have Mistress in my name.<br /><br />• People who use my name as their IM or email address. They assume they are my submissive just because I talked to them once or twice. How dare they use my name in that manner.<br /><br />• People who ask me the first time we speak, “Can I be your submissive?” Do they not get it?<br /><br />• People who claim to be something they’re not.<br /><br />• People who think they know it all and refuse to listen to other opinions.<br /><br />• Submissives who act like doormats or play dumb.<br /><br />• Dominants who demand I submit to them because they know I am a switch.<br /><br />• People who assume I am always in a tight corset, high heel boots and welding my whip. (here I sit in my nightgown!)<br /><br />Check back here... I am sure the list will grow!<br /><blockquote></blockquote>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-33621728300457766472007-11-22T06:54:00.000-05:002007-11-25T08:23:02.038-05:00Submissive Fears<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil,<br />pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined;<br />the feeling or condition of being afraid.</span><br /></div><br />There are many types of fear a submissive has. There is fear of physical pain, fear of the unknown, which can be pushing certain limits, and there are emotional fears.<br /><br />I have discovered that the easiest fear to talk about is the fear of physical pain. Most of the time this is a black and white issue, meaning that they reach a level of pain and then they can’t take anymore, the safe word is called and the pain stops. They are willing to push themselves in the pain, with the understanding pain can and will stop when it becomes too much. This is a controlled pain. It brings pleasure to not only them, but their dominant, which for them, is the most important thing and they are willing to endure pain for this.<br /><br />Fear of the unknown can almost be described as apprehension. It is harder to talk about than a physical fear of pain. There isn’t a cut and dry, right or wrong, black or white limit. This fear can also be a controlled fear. The submissive does have the safe word they can use, they also have the right to say no before anything ever begins. It’s a fear the submissive has to think about, they decide if they are willing to face the fear. It can come from pushing a limit. For example, the dominant develops a task for the submissive to do. The submissive is apprehensive about doing elements of the task. The submissive has true fears. With some submissives, it is the fear that actually pushes them to completing the task.<br /><br />This brings me to the next type of fear – emotional fear – one of the few fears that the submissive can’t control. It is a daunting type of fear for a submissive. This article came about from an interview I did with one of my submissives in which he stated, “But, because of what I said earlier, the non-private side of things really scare me and brings about frustration, and ultimately makes me scared that it will be the cause of things going off the rails permanently.” He dealt with the fear of the unknown by reacting to his emotional fear. For me, this was unacceptable as it goes against my philosophy of RACK (Risk Awareness Consensual Kink.)<br /><br />In doing research for this article, I found the level of fear is based on the security of the relationship. In talking with a submissive that has been with her Master for a long period, she stated that, “I have no fear about him leaving, judging or making me do anything that he felt was unsafe was for me.” She felt secure in their relationship based on their history.<br /><br />In conclusion, fear is very much part of submission. We as dominants build the trust with our submissive that in turns lessen their fears. It takes time, patience, communication and most importantly understanding and respecting their fears to help conquer an obstacle that can and does stand in the way of them to truly submit. To truly submit, the submissive has to have no emotional fear. We have to build that trust and make them feel secure within the relationship. If emotional fear is present, then good judgment and common sense isn’t used and we know that isn’t a good reason to submit.<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com</span></span>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-6141514519792955262007-11-10T13:28:00.001-05:002007-11-10T13:28:30.528-05:00Me, Myself & IWell, I’ve started this blog and posted a little something about me. But that little something is something that I have used on several sites, you know the ones that ask you to write something about yourself. I change it up occasionally to fit each site or update it to reflect minor changes that have occurred in my life. However, I feel since this is my blog that I should get a little more personal – share with you exactly who I am, how I became Mistress Nev and how I think.<br /><br />I won’t bore you with the humdrum of how I started to realize that I belong in this life style, it’s about the same for everyone. I will start with my discovery of how I became Mistress Nev.<br /><br />The story begins with me as a submissive. No, it wasn’t real-life. Like many of us, the opportunity to actually live the life we fantasize about wasn’t possible for me. However, as an online submissive, I found I was ‘missing’ something in my life. I had a very good online friend who, after many hours of talking, actually made me realize that I did have the dominant streak. Duh me! That was the missing piece of me!<br /><br />My submissive friend had much more experience than I did, and with his guidance, Mistress Nev became a reality. In my public profiles and email, I list my name as Jen Nev. With respect to the privacy of my friend who helped to guide me, the name Jen Nev represents meaning from his name. Once we had established my name, we named him, her will. Yes, he became my very first submissive.<br /><br />Over the next few years, I spent many hours learning more about how to become the best mistress I possibly could. I read anything I could get my hands on, I talked to anyone willing to put up with my questions and inquiries. I felt the dominant side really was who I am and it seemed to come naturally to me.<br /><br />However, I also realized that ‘Mistress Nev’ came about and her style was a direct reflection on what I never got as a submissive. Most of my tasks came from ideas that I, as a submissive would enjoy doing myself or from elements that I struggled with. My dominant side was an outlet for my submissive side. <br /><br />I was able to give to submissives what I wanted as a submissive and never had. I really enjoyed giving in the ‘Mistressy’ manner I did. (I often wonder who really is the dominant and submissive in a relationship – another topic for an article.) For the first year or so in developing my dominant side, I did it as a submissive. It wasn’t until later – and I am not for sure when it really happened – that I discovered that I was actually thinking and reacting as a dominant would.<br /><br />I do know this was with the help of my submissives. I think that I connect with them because I am also a submissive and I know what I needed as one. Once I realized that I needed to be firmer, more set in my ways, is when I really began to flourish as a dominant. For me, it was easy to talk the talk, make tasks, rules and rituals for my submissives, after all, that’s what I wanted as a submissive. However, to actually understand and truly enjoy being a dominant because I AM A DOMINANT is when I feel I became whole, as a person.<br /><br />I enjoy watching my submissives struggle, I enjoy watching their pain, and I enjoy teasing the hell out of them. Yet, I also realize what they are going through – why? Because I AM A SUBMISSIVE as well. Damn! I AM A SWITCH!<br /><br />Oh no, the switch word! How in the hell can you truly dominant someone while being submissive to another? This took many hours, days and years of thought. See, for me it really came down to one realization. I can not and will not dominate anyone who I am submissive to and by the same token I can not and will not be submissive to anyone I dominate. Basically, I separate my dominant and submissive sides. <br /><br />Therefore, that being said, I have allowed both my sides to grow and learn. I do have a submissive blog, but I feel the need to keep that more private. Each of my submissives has a blog. They have chosen to keep their blogs private. Why the big privacy thing? For me, being submissive is a private issue. As I have told my Master (yes, I have a Master!) I will be a slut for him, but I won’t be a slut for anyone else. <br /><br />One of my philosophies is that I won’t ask or do anything of my submissives that I wouldn’t do myself. Of course, there are exceptions to this, for example I can’t do CBT (for obvious reasons) and the desires of my submissives might lead them to want to do things that I, as a submissive am not ready for or don’t want to do. If the latter is the case, then my submissives know that I haven’t experienced whatever they want to do so the first time or two we take it more slowly. Once I have had experience with an element either as a submissive or as a dominant, watch out!<br /><br />This is a little more about me, how MN came about, a few of my philosophies and how I formed them. It explains how and why I think the things I do and most importantly, how I have gained the experience and knowledge I have.Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-87725514241433088922007-11-09T19:40:00.000-05:002007-11-10T15:05:17.521-05:00Managing Emotions In A Submissive<span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">“I want you to go to a public bathroom, remove all your clothing and wank yourself until you cum. Of course, I expect you to clean up the way I like for you to.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Mistress, please no. You know how hard it is for me to do that in public. Please don’t make me.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“I understand your feelings and struggles in doing this. However, I desire that you try. That’s all I’m asking, for you to go and try to do this for me.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Yes, Mistress. I will try for you.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Thank you dear.”…</span></blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>The conversation moves forward, a little talking, a little teasing about what he is going to do lightens the mood. The submissive seems to be doing alright. He is responding to your cues, following your lead to make him feel more comfortable.<br /><br />You have asked him to try something that is new and scary. He seems open and accepting. However, how does he really feel? Later, the conversation continues…<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">… “My dear, when I asked you to do this, what was your first gut reaction?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Mistress, I am willing to do anything you desire.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“I know and appreciate that dear, but I am asking your gut reaction, not the reaction of your submissive self.” …</span></blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>The submissive quickly thinks. He is allowed and expected to express his feelings, but can he really tell you how he feels without hurting your feelings or making you second-guess yourself?<br /><br />When first confronted with a situation that is limit expanding and demanding, many submissives have a menagerie of emotions – fear, anxiety and maybe a brief case of resentment. How we, as dominants, react to these feelings really defines how successful the relationship will be.<br /><br />They are allowed to feel these emotions, after all, wouldn’t you if you were asked to do something that was scary for you. The key, I feel, is how we react. My personal belief is that I need to distract the submissive for a few minutes with something else, to take his thoughts off his emotions. Just as I whisper in an ear that “my pussy is getting so wet,” when I am flogging a clothespin off someone to distract them from their pain and give them a little encouragement, distracting them during their initial reaction in pushing a limit is just as important.<br /><br />No matter how long or how much experience a submissive has had, negative emotions will arise. I have listened to a submissive ‘let me have it.” I allow them to express all their thoughts, at times they just ramble words that might not make sense.<br /><br />No, this isn’t submissive, but when emotions are fueling inside a human, being submissive isn’t the emotion that is surging at the moment. Taking the time to sit back and listen to their words – how they are saying it, or if it’s online, noticing their grammar errors or misspelled words that are more than usual – is one of the most important things we can do for our submissive.<br /><br />You can’t take the negative emotions personally. Even if they feel anger or anxiety with the situation, they don’t feel it towards you per sé. Sometimes emotions take over. Once they calm down and feel as if they have expressed the feelings to you, then you may go back and discuss why they feel this way, and if needed, how they could have better reacted in order for you to help and understand them through the emotions.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">… “Mistress, I am very afraid and scared, and to be honest, I don’t want to do this.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Then why are you doing it dear?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Because you asked it of me Mistress.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">“Yes, I did and I thank you for doing it. Please tell me how you dealt with the anxiety and emotions you experienced.”</span><br /></blockquote>The key here is to see how he responds to this the first time it happens compared to the most recent time, because no matter how hard they try to hold back, emotions will jump out. Is he more respectful in how he responds to his emotions? Has he learned that he is allowed to have these emotions, but that there is a proper way to express them? How you respond, in a calm, objective manner shows and confirms to them that no matter how emotional they get, you will still be in control and can handle even the most strenuous of situations.<br /><br />When one of my submissives and I first started, his first reaction when he felt anxiety or fear was to run – which for him, meant get offline and avoid me for days – he did this on several occasions. However, after the initial surge of emotions ended, we were able to talk. Each time this happened, the running lessened and now we can openly discuss his emotions. In doing this, I also have found that I am more open with my emotions.<br /><br />In preparing for this article, I asked him a few questions. I wanted to see how open he felt he could be with me. I actually was surprised by some of his answers and this led us into other topics, which is wonderful for our communications.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">“If I ask you to do something and you don’t want to, what emotion does that bring forth.”<br /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">His responses ranged between guilt, frustration, and relief.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">When I asked if he ever felt resentment he said, “Sure, being made to do stuff, especially with you, the trust card can bring up resentment. But, I think over time, I know you much better and know you wish me no harm so, the resentment is largely superficial, generalization is hard, depends on the situation you’re asking. And my frame-of-mind are all factors. Same thing at two different times could possibly have two different reactions.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[me] “If you are feeling angry, resentful, or scared, how important is my reaction to you when you express this? Meaning how I react to your emotions.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[him] “Again, no black or white. It is important and my response will be dependant on what I feel your reaction to it will be. Sometimes the situation is such where I feel there is limited room for negotiation then it is different to where I feel you are open to discussion.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[me] “So what emotions come when I say, I want you to do xxx, you've already explained to me that you are anxious and nervous to do it, but I still ask it of you?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[him] “There is only one issue between us ultimately. We have reached a point where I know, you will never ask me to do anything that you are not 100% sure is safe. So, the negotiation is more a task in getting my mind to accept things. Despite knowing you, sometimes it works sometimes not. In private, I think I am open to just about anything. But because of what I said earlier, the non-private side of things really scare me and brings about frustration, and ultimately makes me scared that it will be the cause of things going off the rails permanently.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[me] “That makes sense, thank you, but it brings another question. You feel if you don’t do as I ask, then that will cause me to leave?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[him] “Yes, not at that instant... but over time it may. Not as a friend, but Mistress.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[me] “So you have done things for me, that makes you scared or nervous because of the fear of losing me as a Mistress?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[him]“It is never the overriding factor. No single emotion is, but sometimes it does play a part.”</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span><br /><blockquote></blockquote>This last part, of course made us talk even more, which is a good thing. I never realized that he really felt that way. However, me allowing him to express his emotions opened the door for us to grow closer.</span><br /><br />In the end, emotions can be managed, both positive and negative ones. The positive ones are the easiest, but the negative ones are the ones that teach us the most about our submissives and ourselves. Being there to listen and not condemn the submissive for having negative emotions is one of the most important building block we can we can have in place for the relationship. We need to let them know it is acceptable to have the negative emotions and no matter what, we are here to listen, accept and calm any emotional reactions.<span><br /></span></blockquote><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com</span></span>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-24622141916721663742007-11-08T17:11:00.000-05:002007-11-08T17:38:08.859-05:00Some Tips For Online Task DevelopmentCreating a task can be overwhelming. You have this mental picture in your mind that needs to be written so others may easily understand your vision. Everyone has their own system. I am sharing my arrangement in hopes that it helps you. Please understand that these are my thoughts and opinions only. In no way is it a reflection on how anyone else does his or her tasks. I hope this helps in your task development.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Getting The Idea</span><br /><blockquote>I get many ideas from my imagination or browsing websites. If I see a picture I like, I try to imagine how I would have one of my submissives in that picture. How did they arrive like that? What happens before, during and after the picture?<br /><br />I also get ideas from my submissives. They actually are the best resource for task ideas. They tell me what they like to do. I listen and then add my own “mistressy” thoughts’ on how it should be done. If you don’t have any submissives, ask a submissive friend or someone you meet in a chat. I’m sure they would be more than happy to tell you what they enjoy.<br /><br />My Brave Boys series came from such a source. One of my submissives loved CBT and rope tying. With his help, I was able to develop how to tie the rope around his cock and balls. Naturally, I then added my special touch with the sit-ups, fig (or “figging”) and clothespins – depending on which BB task you are reading. I looked at my submissive tied up. Then, we did it over again, and I looked at him just before, and just after being tied up. From those views, I developed the description of how he got there.<br /><br />Another good source is your own imagination and fantasy. If you like to see a submissive pee on themselves, then envision what would happen before they peed if you were there. Would you have them masturbate, if so how? Would they be drinking a lot of water and holding it for a certain time? Where would they pee? Picture yourself there giving them the instructions and following the steps.</blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Researching The Idea</span><br /><blockquote>Now that you have the idea, please take the time to research any safety factors. For example, if you want them to do an enema, research enemas if you’re not familiar with them. Better yet, give yourself one to get an idea of what your submissive will be experiencing.<br /><br />The next best thing would be having the element tested out by a submissive friend. Let them know that you need it TESTED, that it isn’t an assigned task. They need to be objective and not get into subspace. Ask them to take notes, how much water or if they needed to adjust the recipe. At times, enemas are painful. What kind of pain, if any, did they experience?<br /><br />Not only does this protect the submissive and you it will help with the feedback you will be giving your submissive if you can relate to what they are talking about. This doesn’t mean you need to do an enema more than once or twice, you can use your knowledge in any future tasks.<br /><br />Another advantage to doing research is you can begin to compile your safety notes. I have a Word document just for safety notes. In this document, I have several notes already written as well as websites I can post for the submissive to do more detailed research if they want. When I need to put a safety note about enemas, all I do is copy and paste it into my task, along with any websites that I have. (Usually just one or two is enough. If they want more, they can look.). There is no need to recreate a safety note that you have used before.</blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Speaking The Language</span><br /><blockquote>Speak the language submissives like to hear. If you were there in person, you wouldn’t be giving them systematic instructions such as “1. Remove clothing; 2. Get your toys out.” Write as if you are there, “Now it’s time to get naked for me,” or “Show me what you have.”<br /><br />I do want to touch on one very important aspect of writing – paragraph, paragraph, and paragraph! Nothing is more frustrating than to look at a task and see one big paragraph. Each idea – each step – needs to be broken apart from the other. Imagine that you’re a submissive in the middle of a task and need to confirm a detail. You lose something if you have to search an entire task for one little detail. Also, bigger or bolder headlines make it easier to read and comprehend task details.<br /><br />Another biggie with me is making sure I use spell and grammar check. I realize not everyone have English as their first language. Even for those who do, grammar is hard and can be complicated. If at all possible, have someone proof for grammar only. Nothing is more of a turn-off than for the submissive to have to decipher a task.<br /><br />“Neel donw and inset the plug.” The correct wording would be, “Kneel down and insert the plug.” The readability is much easier as the reader doesn’t have to fight for every word and can therefore concentrate on the task itself.<br /><br />One last thing, use indents for examples or something you want to stand out. Make your task LOOK interesting, not just one solid block.<br /></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Template Of Task</span><br /><blockquote>I have designed a template for my tasks. Each of my tasks follows this template in some way or another.<br /> • Task Name<br /> • Items Needed For Task<br /> • Objective or Note About The Task<br /> • Rules for the Task<br /> • Rituals for the Task<br /> • The Task<br /> • Any Special Instructions (like tying a rope or recipe for an enema)<br /> • Reporting Instructions<br /> • Time Frame to Complete the Task and Report<br /> • Safety Notes</blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Template: Broken Down </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">Task Name:</span> For me, this is one of the hardest parts in development. I want a name that isn’t common, stands out among other tasks, and grabs the submissive’s attention. At times, I have a name in mind for the idea. Other times I don’t. However, by the time I finish writing the task, I have thought of one. If not, I just ask the opinions of others. The task name is part of my template that I leave open until I can find a name.<br /></blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">Items Needed: </span>I fill this part out as I am writing the task. If I say “Insert two pieces of ice,” I go back up to Items Needed and add “Ice” to the list. If I am really into writing the task, I go ahead and write and let the task ideas flow. Then I reread the task just to find the items needed and add them to the list.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Objective or Note About The Task:</span> This is a particular part of the task where you can have fun. Explain to them what you want. “I feel like teasing some nipples today,” or “I am curious as to how long you can tease yourself without cumming.” Use your voice and include fun language here. This will likely be one of the first things they read… grab their attention here! Make it fun or scary, or just nasty and kinky. If your task is an experiment, then tell them.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Rules For The Task: </span>I find this much more manageable than putting them into the task itself. It can be easily read and understood. Many of my tasks have the same Rule. For example, no orgasms during this task unless otherwise stated; males are to sit while peeing; females are to stand while peeing; no panties/underwear allowed during this task. Once again, I have a Word document with a list of rules – no need to reinvent the wheel. I can easily just cut and paste the ones I want into any task. I sometimes do the rules first as I have it in my head what I want. If this is an all day task, then bathroom control rules are included, such as sitting or standing.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Rituals For The Task:</span> This section is very similar to Rules, except I try to make it for special rules and it’s mostly used when the task is multi-day. Remember, it’s all in the wording. For example, if you want them to kneel daily for the duration of the task, make it a ritual, and it will sound much better than a rule. Submissives love rituals! Kneeling daily isn’t a rule, after all. It’s more of a ritual, and you want it more special than a rule. You want them to get something out of it. It is to be done daily at a set time, unlike peeing, which is as needed and less personal, in my opinion. I also have a Word document for the most frequent rituals I have.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The Task: </span>This is for the systematic instructions. You can still have fun with wording, but keep it basic. This is the part they will be referring to, if needed, when in the midst of a task. Make it simple, easy steps. Do each step in your mind. Make sure they make sense in the order you do them. Once again, picture yourself doing the steps. It isn’t possible to cuff yourself to the bed, and then remove your clothes. Put yourself in the scene, and if possible, actually walk yourself through the steps. For cuffs hold something, and then try the rest of the task in your mind or physically. Wearing cuffs while trying to plug yourself might be hard to do. If you step through this yourself, you can understand in what order things need to be done. If you have several steps, put them in numerical order. If there are just a few, bullets can be used.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Any Special Instructions (like tying a rope or a recipe for enema): </span>Instead of bogging down the task with detailed directions, make a special place for them in this area. I put this after the task itself. That way, the performer can read and enjoy the task and not get into details that will take the excitement away. For example, you are telling them to give themselves an enema before the start. There is no need to get into the details of an enema (like the recipe for one) when there are more important and exciting things like plugging yourself after the enema or masturbating while holding one. The important thing is to let the submissive get excited when first reading the task, and then worry about the details later.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Reporting Instructions:</span> Just as it says, instructions of what you want to see in a report. I also have a basic statement for this… in a Word document. However, I do have to adjust accordingly for each task.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Time Frame</span> (to complete the task and submit the report): I also have a basic statement for Time Frame that I keep in a Word document which I adjust accordingly for the specific task. Make sure you are reasonable. I usually allow seven days to complete the task and submit the report in order to include at least one weekend.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Safety Notes:</span> As I stated earlier, I have standard notes for specific things like clothespin safety, circulation, ice safety, and hot wax, to name a few. This also might include websites so people may read information that is more detailed.<br /></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Some Final Remarks</span><br /><blockquote>Of course, not all the items in my template are needed with all tasks. The fun part is that I can mix and match. In addition, when I have the basic format, it takes the pressure off from making sure I have all I need in the task. I can focus on the steps of the task itself.<br /><br />As I’ve said before, have your template and standard notes available. There is no need to reinvent the wheel – or task, in this case.<br /><br />The most important thing to remember when developing a task is to have fun and make sure you mention the safety of the submissive up front. When they do a task online, it is part of their responsibility to make sure it’s safe for them.<br /><br />However, we need to strive to make sure we make it as safe as possible before we make the task available to them. A task can never be read and proofed too much before being posted.</blockquote>Have fun and good luck!<br />Mistress Nev<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com</span></span>Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010638130830840627.post-30396296897672740032007-11-08T14:53:00.000-05:002007-11-08T16:18:07.261-05:00Who I AmHello!<br />My name is Jen Nev. I have found that my dominance has helped me to grow as a person. I am not what one would think of as a traditional Mistress, but one who likes to take her shoes off, have fun and laugh with my subs, all my subs. I really do not care to wear leather, but I do love the feel and smell of it! I love to be teased as well as to tease and torment back.<br /><br />I do not think females nor any dominant are superior in the relationship. I believe respect is earned and not given. However, there is a basic respect that must be given to a dominant, and I demand that respect from my subs and expect them to extend that basic respect to all dominants until more is earned. I respect that it takes both a dominant and a submissive to make this lifestyle work and know how hard it can be for a submissive to totally submit and share their gift of submission with a dominant, especially when they have never met in person.<br /><br />I enjoy many aspects of this lifestyle, but most especially the D/s of it. Although SM can be a great turn-on for me, if done correctly. Providing CBT is also a turn-on and I love the look of tied-up balls and cock. I love the mental challenge of taking a submissive to greater heights, mentally and physically, in a way that makes us both feel good. This challenges me and fulfills the need I have.<br /><br />I find it very sexy and erotic for a submissive to kneel for me. I also find that it is humbling that some are so willing to try and please me. I feel honored and would never abuse the trust and confidence a submissive has for me. My goal is not to gain another submissive, but to gain a friend.<br /><br />I was never a Mistress for a female until until a few months ago. I am learning an entirely new aspect of this. I am enjoying the diversity and find myself comparing the difference between a male and a female submissive. I like for my subs to have a mind of their own and to use it when tasking and negotiating.<br /><br />I am very open-minded and love to learn anything about this lifestyle. I am open to all suggestions and ideas and most especially, questions and concerns from any of my subs and fellow dominants!Mistress Nevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04917078044867899360noreply@blogger.com1