Me, Myself & I

Well, I’ve started this blog and posted a little something about me. But that little something is something that I have used on several sites, you know the ones that ask you to write something about yourself. I change it up occasionally to fit each site or update it to reflect minor changes that have occurred in my life. However, I feel since this is my blog that I should get a little more personal – share with you exactly who I am, how I became Mistress Nev and how I think.

I won’t bore you with the humdrum of how I started to realize that I belong in this life style, it’s about the same for everyone. I will start with my discovery of how I became Mistress Nev.

The story begins with me as a submissive. No, it wasn’t real-life. Like many of us, the opportunity to actually live the life we fantasize about wasn’t possible for me. However, as an online submissive, I found I was ‘missing’ something in my life. I had a very good online friend who, after many hours of talking, actually made me realize that I did have the dominant streak. Duh me! That was the missing piece of me!

My submissive friend had much more experience than I did, and with his guidance, Mistress Nev became a reality. In my public profiles and email, I list my name as Jen Nev. With respect to the privacy of my friend who helped to guide me, the name Jen Nev represents meaning from his name. Once we had established my name, we named him, her will. Yes, he became my very first submissive.

Over the next few years, I spent many hours learning more about how to become the best mistress I possibly could. I read anything I could get my hands on, I talked to anyone willing to put up with my questions and inquiries. I felt the dominant side really was who I am and it seemed to come naturally to me.

However, I also realized that ‘Mistress Nev’ came about and her style was a direct reflection on what I never got as a submissive. Most of my tasks came from ideas that I, as a submissive would enjoy doing myself or from elements that I struggled with. My dominant side was an outlet for my submissive side.

I was able to give to submissives what I wanted as a submissive and never had. I really enjoyed giving in the ‘Mistressy’ manner I did. (I often wonder who really is the dominant and submissive in a relationship – another topic for an article.) For the first year or so in developing my dominant side, I did it as a submissive. It wasn’t until later – and I am not for sure when it really happened – that I discovered that I was actually thinking and reacting as a dominant would.

I do know this was with the help of my submissives. I think that I connect with them because I am also a submissive and I know what I needed as one. Once I realized that I needed to be firmer, more set in my ways, is when I really began to flourish as a dominant. For me, it was easy to talk the talk, make tasks, rules and rituals for my submissives, after all, that’s what I wanted as a submissive. However, to actually understand and truly enjoy being a dominant because I AM A DOMINANT is when I feel I became whole, as a person.

I enjoy watching my submissives struggle, I enjoy watching their pain, and I enjoy teasing the hell out of them. Yet, I also realize what they are going through – why? Because I AM A SUBMISSIVE as well. Damn! I AM A SWITCH!

Oh no, the switch word! How in the hell can you truly dominant someone while being submissive to another? This took many hours, days and years of thought. See, for me it really came down to one realization. I can not and will not dominate anyone who I am submissive to and by the same token I can not and will not be submissive to anyone I dominate. Basically, I separate my dominant and submissive sides.

Therefore, that being said, I have allowed both my sides to grow and learn. I do have a submissive blog, but I feel the need to keep that more private. Each of my submissives has a blog. They have chosen to keep their blogs private. Why the big privacy thing? For me, being submissive is a private issue. As I have told my Master (yes, I have a Master!) I will be a slut for him, but I won’t be a slut for anyone else.

One of my philosophies is that I won’t ask or do anything of my submissives that I wouldn’t do myself. Of course, there are exceptions to this, for example I can’t do CBT (for obvious reasons) and the desires of my submissives might lead them to want to do things that I, as a submissive am not ready for or don’t want to do. If the latter is the case, then my submissives know that I haven’t experienced whatever they want to do so the first time or two we take it more slowly. Once I have had experience with an element either as a submissive or as a dominant, watch out!

This is a little more about me, how MN came about, a few of my philosophies and how I formed them. It explains how and why I think the things I do and most importantly, how I have gained the experience and knowledge I have.