A New Place

We have a new place to call home. For all of us to learn and task in peace and privacy!

Come join us...
http://www.bdsmtasks.org/tasks/index.php

Changes In Relationships

I often wonder if I am giving my submissives all they need. Each are so different, they live different lifestyles, have different fantasies and desires, and we share a D/s relationship differently.

I had a long talk with one of my submissive this week concerning how we relate, are we still considering pursuing our relationship in the future? This might be startling to some, but for us, things change. I often wonder if I am giving him what he needs. Maybe it is hard for me to understand that his needs are much less than the needs of my others submissives. However, in the end, it comes down to the attitude and feelings we have for each other.

Real life moves on when we are strictly online. His life moves on, changes as he grows, which is really a good thing. We concluded that we do love each other, we want to continue this, and that we will always see each other in our respective roles.

Each of my submissives brings something to the relationship and offers me their own individual submission. I feel as long as we keep the lines of communication open, keep the needs of each other forefront in our minds, that we all will be satisfied.

As this particular submissive moves forward in life, I know that we will always be us. Our needs with each other change, but the love and devotion to each other will always be there.

I love you, you know who you are, and you will always be mine.

It's Been Way To Long

Well, it’s been a very long time since I have updated my blog. Between reorganizing the Academy and a very heavy workload, my time has been rather limited. However, now I am seeing the end and have some breathing room, which is always good, well at least for me!

As I stated, I have spent the last few months reorganizing the Academy. For the last year, I saw it going down hill, no direction, or organization in sight. Once I became head admin, my first goal was to spread out the workload so it doesn’t rest on one person. With two months into the reorganization, the Academy seems to be running smoothly and the workload distributed among some of our best members.

If you haven’t heard of the Academy before, stop by and visit (a link is on the right). You do have to sign up to become a full member, but you can see what we are all about with just a visit.

All my submissives have been behaving, and we’ve had our fun over the past few months. Fit sub male, aka naughty one, continues to train, tan and tease me with his sexy body. Of course, I tease him right back. He has gotten his first plug and it seems he feels very slutty wearing it. Actually, he is very slutty and I think gets hard with just the thought of being naughty, whether I tell him what clothes to wear for the day, put his cock ring on or spread his ass wide so I can see his ass hole. We continue to work on him taking in his bodily fluids. He cums so much, so thick. He can clean up the way I expect him to, but it’s still a struggle for him. I have put drinking pee on hold for now. He did so well with the first session of pee training, I thought to give him a needed break… but be assured, we will soon get to session two. In fact, he is in it right now and probably doesn’t know it… until he reads this… <<>>.

My little sissy, aka cocktoy, is also doing well. He stays busy with work and school, but we manage to talk and have out special moments of D/s. We celebrated a year together this March and he presented me with a wonderful commitment task of numbers representing special times in our relationship. His sacrifice and endurance touched my heart and reaffirmed our commitment to each other. I continue to work on his pain endurance by wearing nipple clamps repeatedly for an extended amount of time. I just love the thought of his sexy little nipples sore for me! He continues to do his enemas and has managed to learn to hold it for quite an impressive time. I want to continue to work on his pain endurance… so if you’re reading this my dear cocktoy, make sure you get plenty of pegs… and don’t lose them in your room this time!

My dear nevs boy has been traveling the world and I do miss him so. I get a few IM messages when he is able to. He should be back at the end of the week. His little ass I am sure is in need of being filled. Before he left, we were playing with ginger and a piece cut his sexy ass, so I wouldn’t let anything go in his ass. He loves his ass to be filled and since it hasn’t had anything in it for an extended amount of time, I’ll sure I will give him a heavy dose of ass play… be ready sweetie! The months before he left we worked on acceptance rather than enduring. There were many struggles with us, but I finally think he gets it. I will be testing this with him, and keeping him on his toes for sure! We also celebrated a year this past March, but since he was away during our anniversary, we will make up for it when he gets home!

I do have a new submissive. It’s actually my first female submissive. We have known each other for quite some time and she and I have shared many special moments before she officially became mine. Her name is Donriser. I find this a learning experience but one I am certainly enjoying. It’s fun having her and I have many things in store for her. I actually share her with my cocktoy since he is a switch. We are in the midst of training her to be the best slut possible. Having her get specific with her description of her naughty actions is fun as we watch her face turn red. Her dedication is wonderful and I really look forward to our relationship growing.

I’ll try to post a few more thoughts soon now that I have more free time! Until then, please let me know you stopped by posting a comment or going to my guest book, I’d love to hear from you!

Philosophies of BDSM

This article was written by Nevs Boy.

In general, the BDSM community has developed two main philosophies as guidelines for safe play. They are described by the acronyms SSC and RACK. If we break these acronyms down we will better see their intended coining.

SSC
• S-Safe
• S-Sane
• C-Consensual

RACK
• R- Risk
• A-Aware
• C-Consensual
• K-Kink

Let’s go further and try and describe, each of these words in context.
Safe, Sane and Consensual ("SSC") is a construction coined by slave david stein, a gay man in NYC. He did it to explain to the vanilla world the difference between what we do and abuse. Anyone who uses it for any other reason is using it incorrectly. slave david would agree with whomever said that rules are what people consent to.

Safe: Free from harm. All necessary precautions that can be taken for a particular activity have been taken. Sounds good. Now define safe for yourself. Define safe for everyone else that engages in BDSM. Therein lies the catch with Safe, its impossible to come up with an even close, satisfactory universal definition that covers anyone other than you. What one person considers safe another may think is not only unsafe as it applies to them but damn close to insane as well. Single Tails, Cutting, Needle Play and Brandings are just a few of the activities that some of us engage in, that many others find beyond their limits and thus unsafe for themselves.

Sane: This is another tough one to define. Sane to most of us means that we have clear mental facilities at the time that we are engaging in any BDSM activity. Sounds good. Sane is rarely applied to any activity, so like Safe; Sane is left to the individual. What one person considers to be a sane activity others may think it completely crazy.

Consensual: This is an easier one and not as subjective or ambiguous. When the people involved in any BDSM play activity are informed consenting adults and that consent has not been obtained under duress.

RACK has not been around as long as SSC and to me seems a little more subjective and ambiguous.

Risk: What are some of the things that can go wrong, even with the best of planning and at the hands of the most experienced. Risk does not imply Safe; it implies that there can be dangers that have to be weighed before engaging in any activity. Isn't most if not all of what we do dangerous to some degree? I think so.

Aware: Aware means that after weighing the risks to the enjoyment and benefit of the activity one can make an informed decision.

Consensual: Same as above.

Kink: This implies that what we do is somewhat outside the mainstream. What I consider to be kinky another may consider it to be boring and mundane.

Both of these philosophies are widely open to interpretation of each individual who chooses to engage in BDSM. Although at first they appear to be similar in design, the only true similarity between them is Consensual.

I personally combine the two philosophies and in addition I am going to coin my own Acronym to further describe my own philosophy of BDSM. F.A.C.E.

• F- Feels Right
• A-Acceptance
• C- Communication
• E-End

Feels Right: Does the activity I am engaging or about to engage in “feel right”. Does it feel emotionally right. Do I have a weird feeling about it. Will I have any remorse. Will I be able to live with myself.

Acceptance: Do I accept the activity that I am about to engage in on my own volution without any duress. This is a little ambiguous but for me it works. Do I accept it to be safe to my standards.

Communication: This is a big one for me. All persons need to communicate and fully understand the limits and fears involved and respect them, and what is ok and what is not.

End: Each party needs to be able to end all activity without any retribution at anytime for any reason, hence the need for a “safe word”.

I have engaged in activities that combined the principals of both SSC and RACK but not my own FACE principles. For this reason it not only made me feel bad but also you Mistress.

If I would have adhered to my own standards and principles it would have never happened. Allow me to break it down and compare it to my own philosophies compared to that of SSC and RACK.

One afternoon, I decided to pierce my penis, needle play. Arguably it met all the standards out lined under both Safe Sane and Consensual, and Risk Aware Consensual Kink. To me it was safe and sane, It was consensual, I was doing it myself, and I was aware of the risks, health and safety wise, and it was a Kink.

Now enter my FACE principles. Feels Right: First off it did not feel right. If I followed this right off the bat it would have ended there. It did not feel right for several reasons. The biggest was that you specifically said not to do it. Even if this was ignored it would have ended on the communication part. You communicated that you did not wish me to do it. So there is two out of the four principles and none of us ended up happy.

Even a greater reason for not doing it should have been that I am your sub. Mistress said not to do something and I went ahead and did it. This not only showed you disrespect, but undermined the principles and ideals that we have both set out to define in our D/s relationship. We both have high standards.

When I started to write this essay, it did not intend to be an apology, but I am comfortable in the fact that it has turned out to be. By analyzing my actions and applying them to my own standards, principles and philosophy, I became even more aware and accountable for my own poor decisions and how they affect others, especially you, Mistress.

Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com

Things That Irritate Me

• People who I don’t know that say, “I kneel and kiss your feet,” when they come online. Who are they to be kissing my feet?

• People who IM me not to talk, but for me to tell them when and how they can orgasm or what they are to wear that day. Why do I care how they orgasm or if they wear panties to work. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what I am going to wear to work.

• People who are obviously trying to suck up to me just because I have Mistress in my name.

• People who use my name as their IM or email address. They assume they are my submissive just because I talked to them once or twice. How dare they use my name in that manner.

• People who ask me the first time we speak, “Can I be your submissive?” Do they not get it?

• People who claim to be something they’re not.

• People who think they know it all and refuse to listen to other opinions.

• Submissives who act like doormats or play dumb.

• Dominants who demand I submit to them because they know I am a switch.

• People who assume I am always in a tight corset, high heel boots and welding my whip. (here I sit in my nightgown!)

Check back here... I am sure the list will grow!

Submissive Fears

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil,
pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined;
the feeling or condition of being afraid.

There are many types of fear a submissive has. There is fear of physical pain, fear of the unknown, which can be pushing certain limits, and there are emotional fears.

I have discovered that the easiest fear to talk about is the fear of physical pain. Most of the time this is a black and white issue, meaning that they reach a level of pain and then they can’t take anymore, the safe word is called and the pain stops. They are willing to push themselves in the pain, with the understanding pain can and will stop when it becomes too much. This is a controlled pain. It brings pleasure to not only them, but their dominant, which for them, is the most important thing and they are willing to endure pain for this.

Fear of the unknown can almost be described as apprehension. It is harder to talk about than a physical fear of pain. There isn’t a cut and dry, right or wrong, black or white limit. This fear can also be a controlled fear. The submissive does have the safe word they can use, they also have the right to say no before anything ever begins. It’s a fear the submissive has to think about, they decide if they are willing to face the fear. It can come from pushing a limit. For example, the dominant develops a task for the submissive to do. The submissive is apprehensive about doing elements of the task. The submissive has true fears. With some submissives, it is the fear that actually pushes them to completing the task.

This brings me to the next type of fear – emotional fear – one of the few fears that the submissive can’t control. It is a daunting type of fear for a submissive. This article came about from an interview I did with one of my submissives in which he stated, “But, because of what I said earlier, the non-private side of things really scare me and brings about frustration, and ultimately makes me scared that it will be the cause of things going off the rails permanently.” He dealt with the fear of the unknown by reacting to his emotional fear. For me, this was unacceptable as it goes against my philosophy of RACK (Risk Awareness Consensual Kink.)

In doing research for this article, I found the level of fear is based on the security of the relationship. In talking with a submissive that has been with her Master for a long period, she stated that, “I have no fear about him leaving, judging or making me do anything that he felt was unsafe was for me.” She felt secure in their relationship based on their history.

In conclusion, fear is very much part of submission. We as dominants build the trust with our submissive that in turns lessen their fears. It takes time, patience, communication and most importantly understanding and respecting their fears to help conquer an obstacle that can and does stand in the way of them to truly submit. To truly submit, the submissive has to have no emotional fear. We have to build that trust and make them feel secure within the relationship. If emotional fear is present, then good judgment and common sense isn’t used and we know that isn’t a good reason to submit.

Copyright 2007. Permission must be granted before publishing this article in any manner. mistressnev@gmail.com

Me, Myself & I

Well, I’ve started this blog and posted a little something about me. But that little something is something that I have used on several sites, you know the ones that ask you to write something about yourself. I change it up occasionally to fit each site or update it to reflect minor changes that have occurred in my life. However, I feel since this is my blog that I should get a little more personal – share with you exactly who I am, how I became Mistress Nev and how I think.

I won’t bore you with the humdrum of how I started to realize that I belong in this life style, it’s about the same for everyone. I will start with my discovery of how I became Mistress Nev.

The story begins with me as a submissive. No, it wasn’t real-life. Like many of us, the opportunity to actually live the life we fantasize about wasn’t possible for me. However, as an online submissive, I found I was ‘missing’ something in my life. I had a very good online friend who, after many hours of talking, actually made me realize that I did have the dominant streak. Duh me! That was the missing piece of me!

My submissive friend had much more experience than I did, and with his guidance, Mistress Nev became a reality. In my public profiles and email, I list my name as Jen Nev. With respect to the privacy of my friend who helped to guide me, the name Jen Nev represents meaning from his name. Once we had established my name, we named him, her will. Yes, he became my very first submissive.

Over the next few years, I spent many hours learning more about how to become the best mistress I possibly could. I read anything I could get my hands on, I talked to anyone willing to put up with my questions and inquiries. I felt the dominant side really was who I am and it seemed to come naturally to me.

However, I also realized that ‘Mistress Nev’ came about and her style was a direct reflection on what I never got as a submissive. Most of my tasks came from ideas that I, as a submissive would enjoy doing myself or from elements that I struggled with. My dominant side was an outlet for my submissive side.

I was able to give to submissives what I wanted as a submissive and never had. I really enjoyed giving in the ‘Mistressy’ manner I did. (I often wonder who really is the dominant and submissive in a relationship – another topic for an article.) For the first year or so in developing my dominant side, I did it as a submissive. It wasn’t until later – and I am not for sure when it really happened – that I discovered that I was actually thinking and reacting as a dominant would.

I do know this was with the help of my submissives. I think that I connect with them because I am also a submissive and I know what I needed as one. Once I realized that I needed to be firmer, more set in my ways, is when I really began to flourish as a dominant. For me, it was easy to talk the talk, make tasks, rules and rituals for my submissives, after all, that’s what I wanted as a submissive. However, to actually understand and truly enjoy being a dominant because I AM A DOMINANT is when I feel I became whole, as a person.

I enjoy watching my submissives struggle, I enjoy watching their pain, and I enjoy teasing the hell out of them. Yet, I also realize what they are going through – why? Because I AM A SUBMISSIVE as well. Damn! I AM A SWITCH!

Oh no, the switch word! How in the hell can you truly dominant someone while being submissive to another? This took many hours, days and years of thought. See, for me it really came down to one realization. I can not and will not dominate anyone who I am submissive to and by the same token I can not and will not be submissive to anyone I dominate. Basically, I separate my dominant and submissive sides.

Therefore, that being said, I have allowed both my sides to grow and learn. I do have a submissive blog, but I feel the need to keep that more private. Each of my submissives has a blog. They have chosen to keep their blogs private. Why the big privacy thing? For me, being submissive is a private issue. As I have told my Master (yes, I have a Master!) I will be a slut for him, but I won’t be a slut for anyone else.

One of my philosophies is that I won’t ask or do anything of my submissives that I wouldn’t do myself. Of course, there are exceptions to this, for example I can’t do CBT (for obvious reasons) and the desires of my submissives might lead them to want to do things that I, as a submissive am not ready for or don’t want to do. If the latter is the case, then my submissives know that I haven’t experienced whatever they want to do so the first time or two we take it more slowly. Once I have had experience with an element either as a submissive or as a dominant, watch out!

This is a little more about me, how MN came about, a few of my philosophies and how I formed them. It explains how and why I think the things I do and most importantly, how I have gained the experience and knowledge I have.